Between you and me: the sisters T
I’ve been thinking a lot about the sisters ‘T’
The ones who are women like you and me
On Twitter the cry ‘invisible women!’
“They’ll erase us!”, they say if the Trans ones get their way
It’s a conundrum you see, between you and me
Cos where will we stop if we don’t draw the line
They’ll beat us in races
And those grown men will perv
In bathrooms and M&S
They’ll come for our daughters
Those…men…
They’ll dress up and lurk in shadows
Our prisons a hot spot for rapists in disguise!
I’ve stood back and listened and watched all this
Not saying much at all
I didn’t get involved or share my views
I didn’t have time to know the inns and outs or address any doubts
Or read between the lines of the Gender Reassignment Act
Or declare myself an ally….or an enemy….or in between
But a few shards of memory penetrate,
cut through and come to mind
A Trans woman called Julie
With a shock of red hair
A gentle way of speaking
(And some slight facial hair)
Julie back then was on her way somewhere
Perhaps I didn’t understand her grand plan
Her destination
Or pause to care
I met her as an 18 year old in the Uni LGB
(At the time — in the 90s — there was no ‘T’ in LGBTQ+!)
I thought I might be B, you see but I guess we’ll still see
We’re not all bound for boxes, some are in between
I was scared of Julie because I didn’t understand
Who she was and why
(and I was embarrassed and shy)
I didn’t say anything to give away my discomfort
But she kept saying hello and inviting my trust
I didn’t treat her well or meet her half way
I was still growing, wondering if I was gay
I didn’t have her ideas or her wellbeing in mind
I met her with coolness and I didn’t even try
Years later a gathering, a birthday party with cake
Some extended family around
Laughs for days and some plates
Of party food, mostly sugar and brown
The subject of Trans women
Inclusivity training come up
Those pronouns and preferences
They/them and Thy
“They’re He-shes!”
They said and scoffed and laughed
I didn’t say much, I felt punched in the gut
But I didn’t defend, argue, wade in
I didn’t want the Ts to come between them and me
We are family and maybe it’s just not worth the punt
What’s the point, we’re not Trans
So what the fuck, who cares
But I tell you this — and I care
I really fucking do
No Trans woman (or man in disguise)
Has ever made me feel unsafe
No Trans person has ever threatened my life
Touched me without me asking or inviting
Groped me in a bar as an 18 year old
No Trans person has ever pushed my boundaries of consent
Filmed me without my knowledge
Outed me in front of family
Talked over me in a meeting
Shot me down in front of others
Given me a date rape drug
Beaten my mother and forced her into a refuge
Mocked my body
Belittled my accomplishments
Followed me in the street at night
Or made my heart race with panic
Or forced me to wonder if I was going to get back home to Mam
A Trans woman has never sat too closely to me on the bus
Invaded my space and made the hair on my neck stand on end with fear
Offered to show me their genitals as a 16 year old student at college
Threatened to rape me because they disagree with my comments
To fucking use the social construct of my gender as a weapon
Yes I fucking said it
Sex and gender are different
No Trans person has EVER made my stomach churn with dread or fear
Or reduced me to a vessel, a receptacle, a body part, to motherhood and periods and all that insignificant ‘women’s stuff’
That’s what cis, straight men have done my entire life
So you’re Trans in between or not yet decided?
I’ll walk alongside you and hold your hand
I’m sorry I’m late to show up and speak up
I was thinking of me and my struggles, you see
These struggles you’re facing, unfortunately not unique
You’re fighting for your place in the world — like the gays did
Well the gay bashing has faded and Section 28’s fucked right off
We’ve shouted down the bigots who worried about gay teachers in schools
But now a bigger fight, a new fight for us all
If we don’t defend and wade in, who will?
Those pearl clutching cis women, they don’t speak for me
If bathrooms are the new battleground, then so be it
This talk of cis invisibility, let’s get real
Bathrooms aren’t praying grounds, society is
To all the sisters T and in between, you can pee next to me.
I’m sorry it’s taking so long for many of us to see
…you
Who you are and your hopes and your dreams
To be who you are and feel safe and at home
There’s us in betweenies and the LGBTQ+
And plenty of cis women and men who agree
That trans women are women — if you just let them be
-
